SCENE
I was sitting in my reading chair devouring a chapter of Bird by Bird getting inspired to write something- anything that would be light and entertaining. My sweetheart walked by. Not unusual, except he usually has an easy leisurely pace when indoors. This was his outdoors striding walk.
Across the living room and down the hall he disappears. Less than a minute later, he’s coming back with the same stride. His demeanor is more purposeful; his face has that concentrated furrowed brow look. Into the kitchen, out of the kitchen, down the other hall to my office. He’s not talking. I go back to reading.
Oh, he’s back. He stops, scanning the room. His glance passes over me so I know I am not the object of this search.
“Have you seen my water bottle?”
Ah, it’s one of those situations.
SITUATION
An object such as these below has been “misplaced,” not lost.
PROCEDURE
When the cause of the pacing has been identified as a Search, the person nearby, aka Bystander, passively joins the search. “Have you retraced yours steps?” This is what we’ve been taught. “Where were you when you last saw it?”
Loser, now known as Searcher, has half-heartedly done this, but at top speed so probably has overlooked the misplaced item.
Still passive, yet objective, Bystander offers “help.” “We just came back from playing tennis and I know it was in the car so… Retrace. Retrace your steps.”
“I have. I have. I can’t find it” He goes back into the kitchen, into the family room, back through the kitchen, down the hall. Deja vu. He’s muttering.
Now having joined, it’s time for passive Bystander to take an active role, thereby becoming Co-Searcher, sometimes Lead Searcher.
I stand. I scan. There it is, in the corner of the foyer, on the table, by the closet, where he keeps his tennis hat. This makes sense.
Elatedly, I shout, “I see it. There it is. There it is!” As if the water bottle is some lost child who has been found. He’s back. His gaze follows my outstretched arm pointing at the water bottle
“Oh.” We both nod, united in our relief.
CONCLUSION
Then the Loser/Searcher, now Rightful Possessor of the misplaced object, does a cognitive review of what happened. “I put the bottle here…, and put my hat away…, and went to the kitchen because the phone rang and… I got distracted.”
PROCESSING THE EXPERIENCE
I used to get really frustrated when distractions pulled me off track. I put something down or changed directions, looked out the window and misplaced something. I would berate myself, self-judge, claiming senior moment distraction. I wasn’t being mindful. I wasn’t keeping my head where my feet are. Mea culpa!
TRY A DIFFERENT VIEWPOINT
No more. Now I look at it from an entirely different perspective. Yes, I was distracted, but why label it as if it’s a liability? All people, i.e., seniors, do get distracted. It’s not always because we’re getting older and the nerve endings in our brains are wearing away.
The distraction is a situation manifested out of leisure time. It is really an asset. If we are retired, this time is filled with stimulating activities that require the gathering of supplies for golf, shopping, tennis, travel, hiking, swimming, volunteering along with the necessities of daily life- keys, wallet, phone, etc. Distractions can manifest with a certain excitement about living with all these great opportunities. And storing the items when completed.
If we are employed, same thing – gathering what is needed for work then storing it at the end of the day, which doesn’t always happen. Then the search begins the next day with even more stringent time constraints.
ADOPT THE NEW PERSPECTIVE
Distraction Searching can become the activity that gives you your 10,000 steps. For those of us who can’t locate those items that always get lost: misplaced sunglasses, reading glasses, water bottles, wallets, keys, shopping list, it is not a bad thing. We spend minutes and energy on a house walk-about for them, usually at a pretty brisk pace too.
Cast off your Fitbit! Save your Apple Watch for 10-mile hikes! Count or estimate how many steps you take as you are searching.
I’ve designed a Distraction Search Chart: the painless way to 10,000 steps
Column 1: Items. List all the things that can get misplaced
Column 2: Time. The beginning and ending time for the search.
Column 3: Rooms. Check areas searched and where found, with tallies for the number of times you looked there – extra steps.
Column 4: Steps. You can estimate the number of steps it took. In creating a home chart decide if you need to include the garage, car, front and back yards. After a while you won’t have to estimate; you’ll know how many steps it is from the kitchen to the office and then back for a round-trip.
Those searches are not mindless, negative distractions. It’s hearty, healthy, physical exercise. Two floors to search? You’ve got your cardio done too. The math computations count as brain activity.
Fill that water bottle and have a swig. Done.
Now go treat yourself to a snack.
Ethel Lee-Miller blogs regularly about people, the power of words, and her writing life. She retired after 30 years of teaching, and semi-retired from coaching, and professional editing. Founder of the Eastside Writing Room based in Tucson AZ, she’s posted 100s of blogs, and is the author of Thinking of Miller Place, and Seedlings, Stories of Relationships. These days she writes to inspire, to connect with folks, teaching about the power of words, gather writers together, and for the pure enjoyment of it. Ethel enjoys teaching, speaking, and storytelling at Odyssey Storytelling, Artists Standing Strong Together, Center for Spiritual Living Tucson, and anywhere there’s a mic or a Zoom room.