Mother’s Day is a deservedly big deal

Chocolates, flowers, luncheons and dinners at the best or almost best restaurants.

My stepdaughter, Judy, who had a most interesting career in the restaurant business as hostess, server, and manager, always geared up for Mother’s Day. “It is the busiest day, by far, for lunches and dinners,” she’d say as she dashed out for a double shift on that Sunday morning. This seemed to hold true whether she worked at the local diner, a neighborhood restaurant, or an upscale catered event. 

The evidence was also borne out via my informal check online. The top 10 sites for most popular eating out holidays in the US list Mother’s Day as #1, Valentine’s Day second, and Father’s Day third.

My Mother’s Day love and gratitude go to every mother, stepmother, biological and chosen, and those women, men, and sometimes children who “mothered” us. I think of women who hugged, sat and listened, gave advice – asked for or unsolicited, included me to witness births, birthday celebrations, and love and hugs with their children, and many times, me.  

(Thanks to CURTIS for this love illustration)

Not all Mother’s Days are happy

An excerpt from the ever-inspiringDr Mardy’s Newsletter:

“A formal day to honor mothers has meant so much to me that, for most of my life, I’ve said Happy Mother’s Day to all the women I’ve run into on the holiday. Somewhere along the line, though, I stopped blithely expressing the sentiment after a woman I barely knew tearfully responded by saying it was the saddest day of the year for her. She explained that her only daughter had died—on Mother’s Day—a few years earlier.”

This resonates with me. Both my stepdaughters died from cancer within 8 years of each other. Being their stepmother was a proud honor, a responsibility, and privilege I accepted to be their friend, mentor, and trustworthy presence. In our blended family it wasn’t easy for us, but it was workable and I know I did my best. But I don’t feel like personally “celebrating” on Mother’s Day.  

What to do instead

What I do instead is look at our remembrance photo albums of each of them, and their father and I share memories. Flowers in honor of a stepdaughter at a church in her town was a comfort.

If you are a mother with family gathered around you at home or beaming at the restaurant table, I am grinning at your happiness.

If you are a grieving mother, or estranged, or lost without the caring of children, my heart beats for you. I know your sorrow and courage. We are not alone.

What I also turn to as an antidote to sorrow is to acknowledge the women and men in my life who mothered me as a child, young adult, and mature woman. People like Kay, Ingrid, Marge, Penelope, Kathy, Ermira, Ellie, Majda, Grace, Arnie, and, of course, Hank and Eileen.

Universally acknowledging mothers

The NAACP Mother’s Day newsletter today was especially poignant. https://naacp.org/   Here’s a sample:

“You carry hope in your heart. You teach us to rise when the world tries to push us down. Motherhood doesn’t look the same for everyone, but its impact is universal. (Italics mine). Today, we honor all the mother figures who’ve touched our lives, cherishing both those by our side and those we hold close in memory. Whether by birth, by choice, or by community, they’ve offered care that reshapes our world and makes justice feel possible.”

Be Well. Be Happy.

Ethel Lee-Miller blogs regularly about people, the power of words, and her writing life. She retired after 30 years of teaching, and semi-retired from coaching, and professional editing. Founder of the Eastside Tucson Writing Room based in Tucson AZ, she’s posted 100s of blogs, and is the author of Thinking of Miller Place, and Seedlings, Stories of Relationships. These days she writes to inspire, to connect with folks, teaching about the power of words, gather writers together, and for the pure enjoyment of it. Ethel enjoys teaching, speaking, and storytelling at Odyssey Storytelling, Artists Standing Strong Together, Tucson Tellers of  Tales Center for Spiritual Living Tucson, and anywhere there’s a mic or a Zoom room.