Today
I feel really fantastic. I am holding a sense of “it is alright.” I’m in the center of believing this world is fundamentally good, and at humanity’s core is a huge mass of goodness.
Some days it’s too “easy” to worry, ruminate on negative “stuff,” and all the to-do’s. If someone else told me their thought process as I sometimes see mine, I’d be forced to back away- fast.
Note to self: The truly easier, softer way is to focus on what I want, not what I don’t want, and, oops, not on what I want you to do.
What’s Really Going On?
During the eight months of this pandemic, I’ve had plenty of time to become willing to step into my own personal space and look, explore, feel, what’s really going on when I feel irritated, anxious and, moving up the emotional escalator, scared. What the heck is going on? It’s usually old, old thoughts that I say I’ve dealt with. Some are almost hard-wired, so it seems automatic to go into worry mode. If I care about my “self” as I profess to do, I have to be awake and aware, and dig around underneath some of the self-talk (“Feel bad? YOU must have done something wrong.” Or any one of those “not enoughs.” “This is not good enough/neat enough/pretty enough.”)
Digging around like that is kind of messy and takes time but so does brushing my teeth and daily flossing. Not glamorous, but the results are good.
And What To Do About It
Getting through/past/under the old habits that come to visit is like my spiritual flossing- it’s sometimes “humbling” but eventually I see, and feel, what it is I’ve been hunting for. Peace with me, peace with us, harmony, a huge sense of ok-ness. Oh alright, let’s call it serenity.
This hunt for peace was inspired by a Robert McDowell essay and that beautiful Hunter’s Moon we had here in Tucson on Halloween. Read more about our Hunter’s Full Moon Celebration
Ethel Lee-Miller blogs regularly about people, the power of words, and the writing life. She’s retired from professional writing gigs after 30 years of teaching, coaching, editing, and gathering writers to publicly share their work. She is the author of Thinking of Miller Place, and Seedlings, Stories of Relationships. In retirement she writes to inspire, “meeting” with the Eastside Writing Room, writing to connect with folks, and for the pure enjoyment of it. Ethel enjoys sharing stories at Odyssey Storytelling, Zoom gatherings, and anywhere there’s a Zoom mic.
