When I mentioned my anniversary idea at our writing group, we discovered several other writers celebrated anniversaries in October too.
Over our 36 years of marriage my sweetheart and I have learned a lot about partnerships. In the early stages of developing our partnership, it was often a mix of power struggles, learning each other’s reactions to disagreements, and discovering the things that blended easily.
Easy to blend were our shared values. Each of us came to the marriage with a belief in integrity, equality, honesty. We believed in a love that would grow deeper and deeper over time.
“Alpha personality” describes both of us, often wanting our way to be THE WAY. Some uncomfortable discussions came from telling our truths. Sometimes it was like driving through a storm-burst where you can’t see out the windows. We stayed in the “car” and got through with time-outs, by talking, listening, affection, and humor. Well, the humor usually came after the storm had subsided a bit.
We came into the marriage with assorted satchels of emotional baggage from past relationships. “Be the architect of your relationship; don’t copy the blueprint of another” was an antidote that worked.
When we got married we agreed “no exit.” In spite of past broken relationships, divorce, and grief-laden losses, I believe long-lasting love is the glue that keeps us together.
Are we clones? No way, but after 36 years, when we spend time with each other we know the movies, books, music, meals, places where we can bask in shared enjoyment or savor the silence.
Not becoming one, but blending together.
He is the cream in my coffee
He is the salt in my stew
I am the the starch in his collar
And the lace in his shoe.
Thank you, Buddy G. DeSylva and Lew Brown for inspiring the paraphrase of lyrics from “You’re the Cream in My Coffee” 1928.
This got me thinking about difficulties in some partnerships. Like a pair of socks or a pair of gloves. Think 
about it. They never seem to want to stay together. They start out together. Both in the right place. A snug fit, even.
People comment, ”They are the perfect pair.”
They get noticed. “Wow, cool socks.”
“Smooth gloves.” Yet they are very high maintenance. Gloves require constant grooming, creme on leather gloves. The pair goes out on the town together. But sometimes only one makes it home. Balled up, worn socks, discarded somewhere on the floor, must be discovered, picked up, washed.
They often separate in the washer. One or the other strays among all the other clothes, lured by bright-colored socks, or soft gloves swirling around them. If they’re certain material like wool, they require shaping once out of the washer. They’re sleek and beautiful, but stubborn, never giving in to be part of the two-item team. You can even buy laundry rings that hold them together called Loc a Soc. Ironic for my purpose here. But even that symbolic item doesn’t hold them. They can slip the ring and pair off in unpredictable ways.
I’ve got a happy feeling because my colleagues and I are not in sock or glove partnerships.
Happy Anniversary to all October partners! What makes your partnership thrive?
Ethel Lee-Miller blogs regularly about people, the power of words, and her writing life. She retired after 30 years of teaching, and semi-retired from coaching, and professional editing. Founder of the Eastside Tucson Writing Room based in Tucson AZ, she’s posted 100s of blogs, and is the author of Thinking of Miller Place, and Seedlings, Stories of Relationships. These days she writes to inspire, to connect with folks, teaching about the power of words, gather writers together, and for the pure enjoyment of it. Ethel enjoys teaching, speaking, and storytelling at Odyssey Storytelling, Artists Standing Strong Together, Tucson Tellers of Tales, Center for Spiritual Living Tucson, her latest endeavor New Story Pod, and anywhere there’s a mic or a Zoom room.